Halloween

Thanksgiving has passed and if you ask Hallmark or Walmart, the next major event is Halloween. This is one day that has always made me uneasy. Every year as the costumes, decorations and candies appear in stores, flyers and the community I ask the question "how does God want my family and I to respond to this event?".

My kids, and I love to dress up (and eat candy) regardless of the time of year. It isn't that part of the tradition that brings me to my knees, to my bible and to my wise brothers and sisters every October. It isn't that I want to be a party pooper or a fundamentalist rule follower, it is that I want to submit every aspect of my life to God and to seek to glorify Him in the life of myself and family. Undeniably, Halloween has a dark history. Many of the rituals surrounding it involve the spirit world and Satan.  There are an endless number of websites and books that go into detail about the history and practices of Halloween. Just reading some of these makes me want to turn off the lights and hide in my house on October 31st. Why would I want to have anything to do with a night like this?

However, hiding in my house is just a cop out and a fear response rather than a prayerful courageous response to one of our cultures biggest holidays. My desire for my children is that they would approach each situation and event from a biblical perspective. Doing this requires prayer, bible reading, discussion and an examination of our true motives and identity. We need to wrestle with these issues so that we can seek after our Father's heart and grow closer to Him. We can't run and hide from the world we currently live in (although sometimes that seems like the easier answer). My children won't become critical, God seeking thinkers if I show them how to close the curtains and lock the door when tough issues surface.

So, what to do? Accept, redeem or reject Halloween? What is our Father teaching you?

Thanksgiving crafts

I love seeing the cute crafts my kids bring home from playschool. It is interesting to see how their little personalities come through in their works of art. One of our kids was the colour in the lines type, another the half finisher variety, another the reluctant artist.

Our 4th child began playschool this fall and I have been excited to see the masterpieces he brings home. He is a bubbly, exuberant little fellow with a real zest for life. He is proud to show and tell me about what he has made.

With the impending Thanksgiving weekend, this weeks theme revolved around the turkey. As he pulled his turkey from his cubby, I immediately noticed its unique arrangement of feathers. Each of these paper feathers had been carefully placed and glued by my boys own little hands- even the one that was conspicuously placed between its legs. He could hardly wait to tell me about it. Eyes lit, smile wide, he blurted out "it has a penis!". "It goes pee, pee, pee. Its gonna pee on the potty!".

I tried hard to not burst out into laughter, but calmly smiled and nodded with a token "wow, that is really... nice." I poked my head back into the classroom and thanked his teacher for the wonderful craft. This one will definately go into the scrapbook.

A turkey with a penis, now there is a Thanksgiving first.

Changing Seasons

The change of season has come fast and furiously. Only a few weeks ago we were basking in the heat of a late summer, enjoying a bumper crop of green beans and cucumber. All that seemed a distant memory as I donned rubber boots, rain pants and a hooded jacket for this morning's chores. I wasn't the only one to notice the abrupt turn. The goats were huddled together inside their stall, avoiding the wind and rain entirely. The pigs only ventured from their shelter when they realized I  had a fresh bucket of slop for their enjoyment. Cobie (the horse) peered out from her stall to the rain outside, neck long and low, ears back, eyes squinted. The sheep, usually indifferent to inclement weather, had carefully sought out a dry spot under one of the large trees. Even the chickens were apprehensive to venture further than the overhang of their coop in search of fresh greens and grubs.

The garden too spoke of the change. Wet, browning leaves and stems bearing the final beans of the summer harvest, wilting squash vines revealing large fruits ready for picking and storage, limp potato plants of the remaining undug tubers.

On one hand, mornings like this leave me longing for dry summer days without the responsibilities of homeschooling and the confines of a schedule. The fall has always been the season that I have struggled with long dark days and the feelings that such days provoke. Yet I feel joy this morning because I know that God has created each season with a unique purpose. Each season holds its own lesson and its own story that our Creator has crafted to speak of His glory and to reveal His truth. So, today I choose to embrace this next season and all that God has in store.

a parenting book worth a read

Parenting can be a challenging business. There are no hard and fast strategies of how to raise your children, and seemingly as many different theories and books on the subject as there are stars on a cold, cloudless night. The bible clearly states that children are a blessing and that parents are to love, discipline and teach them. However, in this world of conflicting philosophies and ever changing recommendations by "parenting professionals", choosing who to follow can be a dizzying prospect. Most parents are desperate for their children to succeed but aren't even sure what they mean by success.

I have my own opinions and experience on this subject but am not an expert so am often afraid to voice them. I am reluctant to criticize other parents when I haven't walked in their shoes or lived in their homes. In my own desire to be politically correct I have remained silent when my heart has cried to God over the brokeness I see in families. I know that the problems are largely systemic and can't be solved with simple band aid solutions or how-to-parent manuals.

So, having said all of that, I am now going to boldly say that I am LOVING this parenting book I have been reading! It speaks from an attachment perspective and holds to the conviction that the breakdown of parent- child attachment is the root cause of many other parenting issues. The book is called Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. Of course it is only one theory on the issue, but one that I think is brilliant. I won't try to give my own description of the book because I could never do it justice. Check it out, it is well worth a read.

Growing

I have been watching with curiosity the growth of one of the pumpkins in our garden. It is the fruit of a runaway vine that has climbed and clung to the fencing in its pursuit of more sunshine. Interestingly, it began growing in the between the wires and now finds itself limited and strangled by those wires. I am not sure why i am so intrigued by this squash, but I am curious to see what will become of it- and the fencing it is fighting against. Will it continue to grow and become warped and contorted by the wire? Will the wire bend and snap under the pressure? Or, will this little pumpkin just whither and die?

I feel like this plant is a parallel to many of our human issues. We struggle to find our own path yet become strangled by the very things we thought would give us freedom and fulfillment. So, what wire fence am I climbing? What external supports am I attempting to wrap my tendrils around? If it is anything other than the Rock of Ages it is sure to fool me, fail me and leave me lifeless.

These boots are made for walkin'

These boots are made for walking and running and jumping and skipping and everything else a five year old might need to do. It doesn't matter that the zipper is broken and the toes are scuffed. It doesn't even matter that we are going to the beach and that boots aren't the best choice of footwear. Nope, none of these things matter when you are five and your favorite pair of shoes are pink cowgirl boots.

Oh, to be five and carefree. To wear what you want to and not what others think you should. To only think about the next few minutes or possibly the next few hours but certainly not worry about the next days, weeks, months and years. To just live in the moment, thankful for all that God has given and completely trusting that He will continue to provide.

To be five and excited to embrace another day in your pink cowgirl boots (without socks)!

Does the SPCA offer a club card?

We are on a first name basis at the local SPCA thanks to our old yellow lab. I can assure you this is not a good thing. If they offered a frequent flyer program or issued tax deductible receipts for impound fees then then sting of repeated "pick ups" wouldn't hurt so much. Needless to say, they don't have a club card so we need to figure out a better system of pet confinement. You would have thought that after 13 years either we would have smartened up or our dog would have tired of running away. Regardless of his arthritis and large growth on his back leg, he can't seem to resist the temptation of roaming the neighbourhood scoping out garbage. To make matters worse, the SPCA is located less than a half kilometre from our house. How convenient.

On his most recent visit the kind ladies had a soft heart and (after my sob story) said "how about we just pretend he never came here today".

"He's old, somedays he barely makes it off his bed" I told them, "our other dogs are always fenced or contained but this old guy is clearly not a public hazard".

So, this morning when I went for a run with our other hound and her sister in crime (my sister's dog) I had to make good on my declaration that I always contain these pooches. The fact of the matter is that when I run with them I don't usually use a leash. But now that the SPCA has given me a free pass I had better follow the rules more carefully. As I was dragged down the road by 200 lbs of fur sharing a single leash I regretted my claims of being a perfect pet owner. Great, now I am the neighbourhood weirdo who is too cheap to buy 2 leashes so instead risks life and limb taking 2 massive dogs for a run on what was designed to walk one cocker spaniel. I did my best to control them but have to confess that my bylaw following persona only lasted until I reached the trails at the end of our street. "The SPCA isn't open until 10" I told myself "I will figure out a safer method and turn over my new leaf tomorrow". I guess that I will be making a trip to the pet store today. Arrggh.

The best curriculum choice

Here I sit enjoying a little break at a coffee shop (by myself), sipping on a warm and soothing cup of chai. Mmmm. My hubby volunteered to solo the after supper clean-up and bed time so that I could get out for a bit. I came here hoping to do some planning for the fast approaching school year and to read my bible without distraction.

On my drive here I had some time to pray silently and to ask God what He would desire for my children this year. I have 3 kids school age this year so I want to start the year somewhat organized and with at least a rough plan of our goals for each subject. Most of my books have already arrived and our school room is looking neater than it ever has!! Still, I find myself asking "so I have the book curriculum but how do I really teach my kids to love Jesus and desire to serve Him"? I often hear people talking about character development of their children. Sounds great. So I prayed to God as I drove asking Him to direct me to curriculum or studies that would help us with character development.

His answer came to me as I sifted through blogs and articles online with sweet chai spice still on my tongue and warm in my tummy. "I don't want children with good character, I want children who love me. Character is the fruit, we first of all need a healthy tree. Jesus did not come to change the outward but to renew the inward." I know that there isn't a workbook or a curriculum that will satisfy this. I need to rely on His word in the bible and daily prayer and submission to His spirit. He wants more than boxes checked off and learning outcomes satisfied, He wants all of us.

Home sweet home

Holidays are great but it also feels good to come home. It is especially nice to come home in the summer to blooming flowers and an abundance of fresh veggies in the garden. Thanks to a great drip-line watering system and some faithful family, our garden stayed nice and lush in the heat. What a treat to feast upon homegrown peas, cucumber, zucchini and tomatoes. We were also spoiled this morning with a visit with family and some freshly cured bacon and farm eggs. Yes, it is good to be home!

I am mindful at the same time not to hold on too tightly to my treasures here. I am thankful for the temporal comforts we have but they won't last eternally. God keeps reminding me of this truth and my need to focus on His unfading truth and treasure and not the things that "moth and rust destroy" (Matthew 6:20).

Opening New Doors

I love watching my kids try new things and take on new challenges. Our oldest daughter has really enjoyed  learning how to kayak on this vacation. She is only 7 but has great balance and strength for her small size. She loves the independence of paddling her own boat and of being in charge of her own little expedition.

Our oldest son hasn't taken so keenly to kayaking. He often struggles with sensory issues and anxiety about new things. He joined his dad for a short paddle but made it quite clear that he didn't like getting wet from the cold water. It is always a balancing act of encouraging your children to try new things yet not pushing them to do what they don't like. This can be especially hard with kids that are wired in a unique way- such as our oldest! He is a wonderful child with many hidden doors. You just have to find the right key sometimes to access those talents and ideas. My goal for tomorrow is to see if I can find another key and help him enjoy a new discovery. 

Vacation time!

Summer holidays- relaxing, stress free fun. Well kind of, except for the packing. I find the packing has become exponentially more difficult over the years. Not only do we need more stuff with more children, but I have become more uptight about making sure we have enough food, clothing and comforts to last. Since this particular holiday involves boating to remote destinations, there isn't the option to stop at a store if we need to pick something up. The past few days I have just kept telling myself "it will be worth it once we are there". Now we are here and it was worth it.

My hubby and I sipped on drinks on the deck of our rented boat this evening admiring the beauty of the surroundings while our children watched a DVD inside. The air was calm, the ocean like glass and the temperature perfect. What a blessing to be able to spend a week like this as a family. Of course today had its share of meltdowns and arguments but we can't expect to leave the realities of family life at home when we go on a vacation. I have sometimes been guilty of thinking that holidays should be a time of peaceful bliss. What a crazy notion! Who crams a family into a confined space with a new routine and expects it to be calm? Wishful thinking, I know. God has been revealing to me that unrealistic expectations breed disappointment and unthankfulness. He has a wonderful plan for us when we adventure together as a family, but it won't unfold the way my simple little mind would like it to! God always has such a better itinerary when I commit each day to Him. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us over the next week. Thankfully I can still blog as long as we have cell service!

The Greatest Little Tour Guide

I often find myself trying to hurry the kids through the routines of the evening so that they can get to bed at a decent time. It is so much harder to settle everyone for the night when the sun hasn't yet set and when their daddy is away and can't cuddle and pray with each of them. So, the other night I tried to run down to the field to bring the horse in for the night while the kids got on their PJs. The youngest wasn't going to let me go on my own so I reluctantly brought him with me knowing it would slow down my quick job.  First, he had to find his yellow boots. He insisted that shoes or sandals were NOT appropriate "Mommy I da farmer" he explained. Fair enough, boots are much better in poop than sandals. Then he was determined to walk down to the barn in spite of the fact that he tripped twice between the door and the edge of the patio. Excitedly he half ran, half stumbled his way across the yard. Once in the barn, he designated himself as the rope carrier. "Mommy, you carry the halter"- wow, who can argue with a 2 year old that knows what a halter is! Awkwardly he carried the lead rope by himself all the way out to the field where we both agreed that I should be the one to put the halter on our horse. However, on the return trip he proudly held on to the end of the rope while he pointed out everything that caught his attention.  He laughed as we passed the goats in the field "you see that, you see that goat mommy". And as we continued "mommy, look at that big tree", "mommy, you see that bird? It goes caw caw", "look mommy, the piggies say oink oink", "mommy, you hear that airplane?"

Yep, little J sure had the right idea. What was the hurry? If I hadn't slowed down enough to take him I might have missed out on enjoying the beauty of God's creation and I certainly would have missed out on the greatest evening walk I have had in a long time- with my little boy at my side so eager to please me, so eager to share all that he was learning and experiencing. I silently prayed for forgiveness as we returned to the house. I know that these are the moments I will cherish for years. "Sorry Lord for being in such a hurry that I almost missed out on your blessing. Sorry for being more worried about the clock than the growth of my child's character. Sorry for not slowing down and asking for your strength and guidance on these busy evenings." And as He always does, He forgave. With a smile and renewed patience I returned thankfully to the evening routine- later than I had planned but happier too!

Not just a bunch of round pegs

Sun, friends, family and laughter. That is what a good summer day is made of. Yesterday was filled with those things and I went to bed thankful and satisfied. My kids went to bed dirty but happy.

Playing and having fun with people that enjoy each other's company, quirks and all, is something that I really appreciate. Letting my kids be themselves and relax isn't always "acceptable". I am not talking about letting my children be rude or disrespectful of others but of being able to celebrate our own uniqueness. Not everyone understands this perspective, but parents of non- typical kids certainly know what I am talking about. It is more about realizing that God has given us each our own unique way of perceiving and interpreting the world around us. One person may be enthralled by the bee buzzing on the flowers, another by the passing vehicles, and another may not notice either as they carry on a conversation with a friend. If you look around at a picnic you might notice that people can enjoy the same event in very different ways. Some people favour the food, others the games and others the people. Others may struggle to figure out how to fit into the bustle of activity, what is appropriate and how to participate.

Having a child with autism spectrum disorder is a blessing in this sense because it opens your eyes to the beauty of diversity. It shows you that square pegs don't need to be forced into round holes- the Lord created square pegs for their own specific purpose. We can appreciate one another's uniqueness and laugh at our own blunders. Next time you are with someone that is a square peg, be thankful. Learn from each other and accept each other- after all, maybe you're not such a perfectly round peg yourself.

Hungry?

While I sit here considering which paint colour to put on my walls, a mother half a world away considers which child she will have to leave behind in order to get the rest of her family the life saving sustenance they desperately need. She walks barefoot across hot sand for a hundreds of kilometres to carry her babes to safety, I try to decide which pair of shoes would look best with my outfit. I choose from the bounty of fresh produce in my garden, she no longer has the strength to nurse her own infant.

This is the world we live in. The famine in East Africa is estimated to have claimed over a million lives while we sit here overstuffing ourselves with entertainment, food, possessions. It is so much more comfortable to ignore this sickening reality but is ignorance really bliss? For me the answer is no. Opening my eyes has caused me to look for answers and try to think of a way that I could possibly make a difference to this woman I have never met. Should we send money, sponsor a child, join a relief effort? What can my family do to ease the pain and injustice of our unmet brothers and sisters? I am left with more questions than answers. With a lump in my throat  I open my bible and pray. Our world is a broken place and only Jesus holds the answers.

Pretending we are 19 again

Is it really almost half our lifetime ago that my hubby and I were 19? Dating, going to school, fewer bills, fewer responsibilities. Yep, that was more than a couple of years ago. Yesterday we were kid free (thanks to Omi and Opa) so we got to hang out like we used to. We went for a run, relaxed and then enjoyed supper with just the 2 of us. It is fun to laugh and be silly together and not worry about what the clock says. Although in the good old days we didn't have to think about farm chores before bed or whether our daughter would be able to sleep without her blankie (oops), we also didn't have the depth of experience that we do now after over 15 years together. I can only imagine what intimacy exists in marriages of 50, 60 or even 70 years; the trust, forgiveness, commitment and faith required to hold on through the ups and downs of life. Thankfully we cling to a cord of three strands.

Patience

I think that most people would agree that patience is a good, desirable character trait. Who doesn't love to deal with patient people at work, at the grocery store, in traffic, at home? How many of us haven't said to ourselves or repented to God that we were impatient at some point? I know that I can sure use more of it but I wish that it would just sprinkle down on me like a refreshing rain. Or, better yet, how about some patience in my morning cup of java? Nice and easy, not too messy, no effort involved.

Back to reality. Patience doesn't come in pill form or as a flavour of ice cream. It is learned through life, experience and prayer. It doesn't just happen, it is learned. Darn.

Loving and parenting my kids has be a particularly rich lesson in patience lately. Our energetic, strong-willed children have kept me walking in prayer! They have had their fair share of meltdowns, arguements and complaints this week. So, I have been forced to learn patience. Although I sometimes wish I could just have well behaved children that never fight or complain, I know that God teaches us through life. Todays lesson involved a family geo caching walk through some nearby trails. My husbands idea sounded like a great way to get out for a walk and have fun treasure hunting together. Instead, C, G and S spent a large part of the time arguing over who would hold the GPS. The rest of the time there was a lot of "I'm smokin' hot", "I forgot to wear socks and now I have blisters", "my legs are tired", "I'm hungry", "carry me", "it's my turn to choose the treasure from the cache", "this isn't fair" etc. Fortunately J was in the backpack so didn't get in on much of the action. Our 13 year old arthritis ridden, short of breath old lab also decided to follow us. The kids were worried that he wouldn't make it home and constantly voiced their concerns.

How do I choose to respond in these situations? I can either wish that it was different or embrace the fact that God has blessed us with beautiful children that He uses to shape us more and more into the image of Christ. Thank you Lord that you have allowed me to learn through the gift of motherhood.

We finished it!

I have to confess that I have many almost but not quite finished projects so it sure feels good to do something start to finish. In this case, I am talking about painting our barn. Thanks to helpful Grandparents, some great teamwork and an awesome paint sprayer we were able to get the whole project finished in a day and a half. Yah! Now at least when the rest of my house looks like a tornado hit it I can look out the window and enjoy a freshly painted barn!


As I was feeling so good about this finished project I got to thinking about why I put so much value in getting "stuff" done. I know that my worth is not in what I do but in who I am in Christ. Maybe it is because as a stay at home mom it is easy to feel like you are constantly chasing in circles after laundry, meals and cleaning while trying to look at the bigger picture of raising little ones that love Jesus and long to know Him more. It can feel like an overwhelming task at times. Thankfully God is full of grace! I try to remember that the process is more important that the product and that there is joy in the journey not just in the destination. It is good to keep goals in mind but it isn't always a straight road to reach them. I often find that God actually takes me on a completely different path than I would have chosen. He reminds me of where my priorities should be and that He is the perfecter and finisher. I guess my view of the nice red barn should be a reminder of this truth as opposed to a stroking of my own ego feathers. 

life together

For some people, living next door to their family would be a nightmare. I will agree that living next to certain family members wouldn't be my top choice. However, I am blessed to have my sister, brother-in-law and their 2 children living on the same property as us. I love the sense of community and shared experience that we have on our farm. Having to cooperate and communicate with another family stretches and shapes you in so many wonderful ways. It forces you to consider others before making decisions and to see things from a different perspective. It also reveals your own rough edges- something that can be humbling but character building. I have had to get over the fact that my house is rarely clean and tidy, that my dishes and laundry are never finished or that my children (or myself) don't always behave "appropriately". It has taught me forgiveness, graciousness and to keep my eyes on God as the redeemer, hope and source of true joy.

Our latest adventures together include raising 150 chicks and 5 pigs. Add this to the 5 sheep, 4 goats, horse, laying hens, garden, dogs and kids and it is often chaos but always a place full of life and learning.

What's the goal here?

Since summer hasn't arrived here yet, I am trying to seize the opportunity to get organized (organized is maybe to strong of a word) in our school room. We will have 3 kiddos homeschooling in the fall so our school room needed some tweaking. Fresh paint and more bookshelves have really brightened up the space. It has also given me time to reflect on what my overall goals are for our family and for each child this upcoming year. A very wise woman has encouraged me to always have goals in mind when parenting and planning school for my children. If you start with goals it is easier to decide how to structure your time, what issues are worth focusing on and, most importantly, how to pray for your children and family. I find that having the goal of raising children that love the Lord and put their worth in Him has helped me to decide what is worth our time and effort and what needs to be put on the back burner until another season. Hopefully today I will find the time to write down a couple of goals for myself and for C, G, S and J and then I can start to brainstorm ways to reach them. Now that I have officially written down that my goal for the day is to establish goals, I guess I better not get sidetracked puttering in the garden or making a mess in the kitchen. Darn, I hate making things so official.

being a mama

Who could ask for a greater privilege than to be given the gift of children? I love my kids- they make me laugh, teach me patience and bring joy to our home. In the chaos of life it is easy to forget that we aren't the author of our lives and that only a split second separates this life from eternity. Last week one of our little ones choked on nuts and needed to be flown to the Children's Hospital for a bronchoscopy to remove the pieces from his lungs. Experiences like that hammer home the reality that life is fragile. Thankfully, the Lord protected him and he is now back to running around and getting into mischief with his cousins and siblings. It has shaken me though and brought me back to those core questions of 1) what is my real goal as a mom and 2) what is God's will and purpose for me. I have many thoughts about this and could spend days writing about what I feel He is teaching me. However, I know that the most important thing I am called to do as a mother is to raise my children to love Jesus and live in a way honours Him. Over the next several posts I hope to dig a bit deeper into the "how" of this.

wow- i just created my own blog!

So I guess that I am now an official blogger. Why start a blog? I have been encouraged lately by reading other women's blogs and believe that God calls us to teach and encourage one another. Additionally, we have had many people jokingly (or not) tell us that we could have a reality TV show based on our life at our little farm. I hope that this will be a place to share stories and discuss homeschooling, parenting and life  as i seek to grow deeper in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I am not a writer or a particularly eloquent speaker but i desire to know Him more and to learn from others on our journey as we press on.